Still waiting on my ambition…
Still waiting on hope….
Still waiting on the balance.

Still waiting for truth…
Still waiting for simplicity…
Still waiting on justice…

Still waiting my forty acres and mule…
Still waiting for my chance…
Still waiting for the Earth to move.

Still waiting for God…
Still waiting on my divine light…
Still waiting on lust.

All these things I have the patience to wait for…
But I can seem to still wait….for you.

Copyright © 2010 BohemianLady All Rights Reserved.

I need nothing to hold me to the road of sudden disappointment. For no one really puts that upon me but myself. I’ve asked myself plenty, for the lack of dedication, and conviction towards my own holy goals, but of course of self-remorse and pity are the conscience angels on my shoulders. I let life rule my every move, I let reality put a wall between MY fact and fiction.

I look upon others with envy and sadness, and let my spirit be inflicted on things that have no substance and matter. I let a society define me, and mold my fears into soldiers of infinitive negative energy.

I let people take ownership of my heart, without reading over the contract. Where is the clause that allows me my freedom? I try to retain in back, but the judge and jury found me guilty, on two degree self-pity. And my punishment, was to continue to mutilate my spirit and remain silent.

It wasn’t until I was approached by my “self” love that I was able to break out the prison of my sub-conscience mind, and even though I seemed free. My shackles of doubt around my ankles have slowed me down. I’m still searching for the key.

SO here I am waiting…and thinking…and sitting upon this rock of Sophie, until I have reached my epiphany. Been here many life times, seems like self-truth takes some time. But I need nothing more…than truth to set me free.

Copyright © 2010 BohemianLady All Rights Reserved.

I am in a state on bewilderment, because some things that once seem so simple are not. But that is only because other situations are making things far more complicated.

I try to seek the light at the end of the road but other moments make me feel that there are no lights. Just mere illusions of hope. Can hope truly feel lifeless?

On my down days, I try to think that it is not me but others but then when I look it at it, it’s not so. I am my own denial. I am my own struggle, I am my own failure.

Perhaps I just need to think in the light that is once called hope, and seek the energy called love. Similes and metaphors make more sense to me then reality.

Because reality is just that bug that bites me in the ass.

I am an artist, I don’t like restrictions…I like to offer options. To be ,more clear, I am an abstract artist, abstract in everything that I do, I was born trying to go backwards, so most of the time I approaching things that way, in addition life situations seemed to approach me in a backward notion.

Perhaps…I am just not finding the answers that truly want.

You call to me and bring out my every emotion.
You can make me cry, laugh, angry, your can even frustrate me.
I adore you love, I adore you.

I have even attempted in creating your creative movement,  but have only come so close.

You receiving your melodies in my mind, I need you instruct me, set my mood.
Give me a purpose n  the day, because the sun shines only so bright when you make me feel great.

You are my strength in hard times, my backbone during my struggles.

Music never leave me.

After 48hrs, of healing and eating very little but crackers, we finally are strong enough to continue with our travels.  Today Barcelona, we will see your beauty. Today we embrace one of my favorite artist Picasso, at his museum (Museu Picasso).  Dressed and ready to go we pack water and head towards the metro.

I am a little slow this morning and my body would like something for energy, so I grab a smoothie from the Dunkin Donuts at the Metro, the sweet juice engulfed my stomach, and by body starts to react oddly to its nectar.

wait for it…wait for it… ok we’re good, no vomiting happening here.  Just the body needing to get used to food again, onwards to our journey. We get off at Catalunya, which is in the center of the Barcelona’s Gothic Quarter. Snap a few shots in front of the square’s fountains.  Meanwhile we stop and ask locals for directions, my spanish is not great so my travel buddy translates for me and we head forward.

On our way we see Barcelona’s streets and spaces of secrets in between, and the city is full of life, we come across a beautiful cathedral but then realize that we have no idea on where we are going. Asking for further directions, we stop in a nearby hotel. Barcelona you confuse me, for I am having a bit of trouble trying to get to where I need to go.

After getting more directions, we stop by a gallery to check out the locals artists displayed. Then continue one the small narrow path way till we reach another main street. Feeling lost again we look at a street map and find ourselves speaking with some Americans that happen to be visiting as well. They informed us of where to go since they had been to the museum the previous day before.

After being advised we felt confident that we were finally close…but of course we were lost…again.

It took us asking question 3 more times before finally reaching our destination. The Museu Picasso was beautiful for the museum was a formal palace. It was almost hidden, you didn’t turn into one of the alley streets.  Going through each exhibition was pleased with our travels thus far, and by far inspired.

Grrr… the stomach growls, and its time to  get us something to eat. We settle on the a Japanese fusion restaurant and had some miso soup, green tea and vegetable gyoza and chicken stewards.  That eased the stomach, now onward…to shopping.

We shopped around Barcelona until the evening discovering many of Barcelona’s cool shops, places like Incas, and souvenir shops, etc. Held great gifts to bring back to me familia and amigos.  It’s not evening and the streets are alive and warm, my astonishment to many of the great little things I could buy tickled the merchants in Spain and I was greeted with a warm smiles and light laughter.

Walking around we found ourselves in Los Rambles, an area in which the clubs are poppin and cafes are open and street vendors are performing or trying to rob you. We got ourselves some gelato and decided to be done for the night.  This was a good day. Tomorrow is our last day in Europe and we still have much to see. We have an appointment with the artist/architect Gaudi.

Day9

We woke late, and the weather is a little overcast. Today we want to visit the beach, but we have to travel a little outside the city to see Gaudi Park. But first his church the Sagrada Familia, a church whose construction started in early 1900′s and is still being built!   It’s beautiful detail is incredible, it is truly an artist church!

Amazed by its detail, we were now curious to know what it park would entail, its starting to get a little late, so we head over to the Gaudi park.  On the train we meet a young Aussie that was traveling the same way we were going and asked if she could tag along, no problem the more the merrier!

Huff..huff…huff.. the man laugh at me as I am deep breathing walking up hill on the steep slope to reach the park.  ”Andalay,  Andalay!”  They say to me while smacking their translating to me that it was good for my ass…thanks guys.  Laughing it off we reach our destination where we have a beautiful view of the city of Barcelona.

We walk around the park and find the an entry into the detail works of Gaudi’s art. We part ways with the Aussie for she was going to the museum of the park.  Adios! We walk around the park and look at some of the architecture and mosaic buildings. Gaudi appreciated nature, so a lot of the mosaics were made with some broken bottle glasses.  An absolute gorgeous site to see.  After posing a few silly poses and pictures my travel buddy and realized that it’s getting late and we still haven’t seen the Mediterranean sea. Onward!

On the way to the metro we get lost again..what is it about this city and our lack of direction. A little frustrated we finally find the metro and head towards the sea. Getting off we after asking some locals for directions we find the water, we find the beach and sunset is approaching.

The water is beautiful with lite colors of blue and green, we sit and listen to the music of the sea, but friend begins collecting seashells and I sit on the sand and reflect about our trip. The good, the bad, the pain, and pleasure. This has truly been a needed break.

But then our energy is really low…food is needed again. We hadn’t eaten since the breakfast we had in the morning and it was now near 7pm.  So off we go to the square of the which we went to the night before, we now realize that we are have been here before the day prior and how close we where to many things.  We grab a short snack head to Glories (a mall), shop eat at McDonald’s (money was low).

Head back to the hostel. I play cad with a couple of friends at the hostel, while my friend when out with a friend to find some absinthe to take back home. After I said adios to my friends I went back my hostel room, packed and showered. And waited for the return of my friend. I am tried, but pleased to head back home again.

She returns, does the same similar routine as I, we decide to nap before waking at 3:30am. Our flight is at 6:55am at the Barcelona airport. We check out the hostel, catch a taxi and head towards the airport. Watching the streets at night in Barcelona, the city seems quite, it is now raining, it almost reminds me of San Francisco, my birth city.

Reaching the airport, we check in, wait…it is officially Day 10.

Day 10- Final Day of Travel & the Return Home

Waiting in the airport we take off and land in Paris for our connecting flight onto Air France, the security lines are long, and weather is cold. We have 20 minutes to board and my travel buddy shops in the duty free shops to find last minute gifts.

Finally we board. The flight is long, calm, but warm and welcoming. With the exception of this one child that seemed possessed to do nothing but scream her lungs our for almost 20 minutes but thankfully she finally calmed down.  The staff on AirFrance was amazing, we my travel buddy and I discover that we truly appreciate this airline. I watch a few movies and tv shows, walk around for a minute, and take a few naps.

I am later woken up, by the smell of our final meal before landing, only an hour left. We are now flying down in California…

We land. Thank God… I’m home.

Sounds of laughter, circle my mind and the sounds starts to entertain my thoughts of clear beautiful water of colors of blue and green. With the warm sun kissing my chocolate skin. But instead I wake of with my eyes stinging in pain, and I realize the time is 7:10 a.m.

SHIT!

Were late…rushing over the thinking about the events of the night/early morning prior, and the sounds come back to me.

“Hey join us for a game of CAD, it’s basically a game like 21 instead its 31.”

“Ok cool, how do I play?” Once learned I become a quick learner and play well with my beginner’s luck. After making friends, we all decide to go out, eat tapas, have a few drinks go dance the night away, and return home. Except something came with us that night, something that got in the way of our future travel plans.

At first the alcohol was mocked and we thought that it was just a moment of our bodies weaknesses because of all the flying and riding buses on our vacation. But I was infected, I was ok, I was the caregiver.  Alarm rings, but I dont hear it, and now we are rushing over to the train station with our bodies tortured from lack of sleep. And the grim of the subway’s stairs and lack of escalators, everything is a little more heavier when your body is not a 100%.

Finally reaching the bus station we discovered that we missed our bus and that the next one wont bring us closer to our flight departure, but later. We were offered only one solution take an expensive taxi and try to catch our island destination. As we hit a bump in the road with bad traffic, the air has started to thin, and my traveling buddy body succumbs to the rejection of last nights dinner and drink.

The smell is strong and along with the gas toxics of the car, my mind and stomach starts of spin and I cannot think, I hold my hand to my mouth and hold on to my stomach, it gives one more push, and I am forced to let free, the liquid pain of death into the freeway cement. I kindly ask the driver for a napkin and he hands me a towel that I am not so sure is sanitized. I have no choice I why the side of my cheek, and eagerly wait for arrival but alas we are later, and cannot make the flight, in addition to this there are no more flights for the rest of that day,  but we can choose to fly tomorrow.

Our stomach are still quizy, and my friend color began to fade. We both exhale more liquid pains but mine ends there at the Girona airport, my friends continues into the streets, until we by miracle are able to get back to our hostel beds in Barcelona.  I have a little more strength and I am able to walk into the streets of Spain, and walk between the walls (her secrets) and discover small markets and a pharmacy where I purchase, some medicine, lotion, and at an nearby  store water, and 7up.

Bringing our medical needs back to the hostel, we both take the medicine. And hope that we feel a little better in the morning…our trip depends on it.

Late Day 7

Its been nearly 36 hours, and the only think eaten as well and a few crackers, that were dry within our mouths due to the lack of saliva our mouths were not able to produce and water took awhile to battle it out. Its decided that we will do nothing but rest n let our bodies go…Ibiza well have to wait for another time. Nothing more to  bear on this day but to rest.

Day 8 coming soon…

Today is a great day…still some conquering to be done. First things first breakfast by the Notre Dame, we find ourselves by a cute cafe, where my friend got herself a nutella crepè and I got french fries….haha in France. When we were done we attempted to go up the Notre Dame but our budget would not allow since we still needed to shop and then go to the Louvre…oh well till next time… I will still sing…The bells… the bells…the bells!

Onward to shopping…we are now headed to the Champs Elyssess. Once we arrived there were Vogue Magazine covers from the first issue of  Vogue to the current year…. that lead us to the shops! The street was amazing and we walked into the huge Louie Vuitton shop which was awesome! But of course never felt so poor! Dammit (shaking fist) one day…one day. We continued until we walked all the up the Arc  De Triumph, would be technically be the head of the magnificent road. After shopping for a bit we looked over the time and realized that we still wanted to hit the Gallerie Lafayette before heading towards the Louvre.

Onward we go, aww here we are! The inside of the Gallerie was awesome and the decadent ceiling work of gold, blues, pinks, emerged together along with a stain glass appeal gave the mall such a unique look. A little shopping here and there, and soon it was time to attend the glass triangle (aka the Lourve).

Arriving in our area we got ourselves a quick snack and headed over to the large palace of art. It’s now dark so the Louvre is lit, and the rest of Paris has joined her. We go inside and the first thing I seek is the Mona Lisa, umm well she is awesome but small, and so interesting the amazement people feel when they see her I just need to brush up a little better on my art history to know exactly what the big deal about her is, other than her creator or course. Saw a few more incredible pieces of art, and decided to exit…save some for the next trip, tonite is our last night in Paris I need to inhale her once more before I leave.

As we exit the Louvre the Eiffel Tower can we saw displaying its bright lights! And the lights are so beautiful! As we run towards the view, we decided to walk the park and that later leads us to the Seine, and walk…and walk… and walk to the are back at the Champs Elyssess. There we shop, had dinner and decided upon the plan to return back to our main spot to catch the bus back the airport that will send us back to Barcelona.

Its 11:30pm… metro ends at 1:00am we still need to head back grab our suitcases, check out shower, and we back on the train before time runs out on us. BREAK! We rush down the metro, catch our train rush down to the hotel, I jump in the shower, my friend packs our stuff mine included! Yea for friends! When I am done our stuff is packed I feel clean and warm (Paris starting hitting 49-58 degrees), and it was onward to the station.

Aww its 1:00am…made it to our stop, but our bus doesnt come until 5:30am a few hours to kill. We stop have a cigarette, then head into a seafood restaurant where we have spanish mussels (live) and small shrimps that were not that appetizing. Laughing at ourselves we realized the restaurant closed at 2 and now it was time to move to our next location, the streets are quite, and the air is cold, we try to find a little shelter in a neighboring hotel only to get kicked out after 10 minutes.  Onward to the next hotel where they have internet… there we stay for a few hours, but we have to get to an atm that is 5 minutes from the hotel… back to the cold (ugh).  The heat from the shower hours before has left. Back towards the hotel we see that the tickets from the box office was open, so tickets were bought bus arrived on time, and bade adieu to Paris.

As the bus drove through the city and my eyes started to slowly grow heavy I looked for the Eiffel Tower, but her light was off, and I would barely see her through the night sky. Sad but happy… I was grateful for my intro to Paris, we will meet again!

Barcelona here we come….

Day 6

Hola! Buenos Dias! we arrive in the warm Barcelona… ha thank you. Check into our awesome hostel! It looks more like a hotel, such an upgrade to our hotel in Paris. We are greeted with a warm reception and our room is small but the bathroom is spacious but our roommates are awesome.  After unloading we head towards the 3rd floor! And whoa… computer access thank  God, and now a few drinks before heading out to have some tapas in the city of Catalunya. Making friends with a few cats at the hostel we all take a cab down find a restaurant and eat. On the way in Catalunya, we capture a glimpse of one of Gaudi apartment design buildings! Beautiful! Aww here we are, the streets are quite and many shops and restaurants are already closed but we find a spot and eat and decided later to head towards Los Rambles for perhaps a night of dancing! The beautiful thing about Spain is that the alley ways arent dangerous to go down but hold secrets to shops, clubs, restaurant, and even churches, so much is hidden in between and now always displayed in the main streets.

Walking down Los Rambles we find a club to enter there we have a few more drinks and start to dance the night away, with a mixture of techno, and then American Musicals on the 2nd floor, we began to grown a little tried and realize we need to rest for my friend and I had a trip ahead of us to attend to the island of Ibiza.  We caught a cab and headed towards our room… but then something happened…..

Day 7 coming soon…

We have arrived in Barcelona, landing earlier then planned but gave us time to try to find the bus that will take us to the Gerona airport for our Paris flight. After discovering where our bus was we slept half way on our way to the Gerona center, before catching another bus that took us to the airport. When we arrived we discovered that we were a few hours early and decided to chill, I later discovered that I had no coverage on my phone…damn this sucks.  So chillen in the airport we realize it was a good time for us to get to the security and settle at the gate, only to discover that we had to get our passports verified! Yo we got like 30 minutes before we are supposed to board, heading back downstairs we discovered a line that took about 15 only to find out that we were in the wrong line.  And the line we needed to be in really took less than 5 mintues…sheesh.

Off to security… after passing through we chilled and it was onward to Paris! Landing…we caught a bus and then headed into the city of lights. Knocked and exhausted, we friend nudged me when we were driving through and pointed out that she had seen the tip of the Eiffel Tower. Now wide awake I seeked it but I couldn´t find it.  The bus dropped us off  across the street from the Concord Lafitte Hotel. Were we got ourselves maps, and then decided to start of our time in Paris with a drink and where did we go for this… and irish pub across the street!

And there we had some ciders and cigarette! And spoke to some very friendly french gentleman, who helped instructed us on where the metro was and what stop we had to get off. After we were done with our drinks we said our goodbyes, and headed towards the journey to our hotel.  Oh La La…so many stairs, may not seem that bad but when you hording around luggage it can suck! But finally we reached Chinatown, and our location for the hotel. Once we reached there we had were not really surprised about our room size…very small as well as our bathroom, and we made sure to keep our shoes on because the floors were a little nasty.

After settle down for a bit we decided to go down and find ourselves a nice bite to eat, where in a cafe I have french club sandwich, while my friend had some wine and a cheese sandwich, then it was onward to the hotel for rest tomorrow is going to be a big day.

Day 4

Good Morning Paris! We woke up a little later than planned but we had so much to do. First stop a Paris breakfast of a small pastry and hot chocolate, then we were off to the Eiffel tower.  Going through the metro I realized that the metro system was really awesome and so easy to get around. Watching the parisan people, their fashion, posture, and attitude, I began to slowly fall in love with the city.Thoughts of moving there appealed to me more than ever.  Sitting in the train and listening to the sounds our train moves from underground to the surface, and then slowly she starts to appear the Eiffel Tower! Such a beauty, I was so excited to finally see it in person. Took plenty of pictures, the park by it was lovely as well and being there in the fall gave such a nice feel to the city.

After seeing the Eiffel we were off to the Louvre, when we got there we didn´t realize that it was closed so we took some pics and decided to come back tomorrow when it was open and that we would come back in the eve to see it lite up. So next stop we went to see Notre Dame….the bells the bells…the bells.

Arriving at the Notre Dame…the enviorment was quite lively, the inside was beautiful the stain glass artwork was amazing, we wanted to go up but they were done with letting people go up for the day, but I did light a candle.  Leaving Notre Dame we later did a little shopping and then went and decided to stroll along Paris just wondering… to later to discover the Republique of France, eat a cafe, and then head towards the Moulin Rouge.

Ahh there it is the Red wheel! Awesome, ok now off to Montmartre, and Secur Cour (the white church). Upon our arrival there we rode the famous carousel that was in the movie Amelie. And then up to where the BOHO artist were, probably my favorite place in Paris, all the artists selling their paintings was awesome. Meet and entertaining french man that have us chocolates to sample…yum!

Oh! Its getting dark and the city is starting light up! But we still need to hit the opera house!

There it is…the Opera house is gorgeous know to have held greats like Mozart and Beethoven! Now wandering since we were done for the day, for checking out things that we going to see, time to wander, and stop at a shop to get some supplies and eat dinner at a cafe before heading back home.

Its getting real chilly its time to head back take a hot shower and then sleep tomorrow is another big day.

Day 5 coming soon…

I will be sharing shot synopsis on my travels here in Europe. For the past couple of days I have been in Paris, France. It was my first time there, I was already considering moving there, because I enjoyed it so much!

On my first day there it was more short travel, as we basically got ourselves to the hotel and decided to tour a little of our neighborhood, we were on the left bank of Paris, specifically the area described as Chinatown, it was much different then in my hometown of San Francisco, for there wasn´t much resturants, shops and stores, that there Chiense themed.

But a great thing was that our one star hotel was not far at all from the metro, which was great for our travels during our stay there (me and my travel buddy). But let´s back it up a bit and start it from the beginning!

“Below is the short breakdown of our day to day travels so far….

Day 1
Leaving Los Angeles and taking a red-eye flight, got the blessing from the family a sausage hot dog in my stomach and it was off to NYC! I slept in and out of our flight but we arrived an hour earlier then expected, Delta did good.

Day 2
Officially into day two we have ourselves some hot tea and pastry for a quick breakfast then we were off to the city of Manhatten to check out our fav spot, Greenwhich Villiage, to meet some old close friends from a Sunday Brunch.

While walking down the Village and passing favorite streets like Bleecker street, I was truly in awe that I was back in NYC, it had been about 3 years and I find myself in awe everytime I am there, the energy was beautiful from the weather the streets, and underground on the Metro.

Getting lost at first we soon found our location, at a place called Denal, a nice looking cafe with a parision style feel to it, a great intro to what was to come. There my friend, had french toast with maple glazed apples, and I had a breakfast burrito with a green salad, my olde friend had a beautiful salad, and her friend had yogurt and fruit.

After paying our meal we went down to Tribeca to check out the Flea Theatre, only to discover that they were closed but nevertheless we took photos and later we went to see ground zero, and later meet with another aquaintance.

Then we said our goodbyes and headed off to airport for time was on our side to catch our flight to our next location…Barcelona, for a moment and onward to Paris!

next blog will be coming soon….

What do I do? What do I say? I remain here in a moment of prediction, in a moment of rude awakenings that slowly stunt my growth in this journey we call love. I don’t understand it, I just live within it, and let it consume my inner ambitions.

Must I keep everything concealed in this locked box my mind has chosen to hidden in? Must I choose between freedom and honesty? Must I continue to feel bitter?

The taste of these riddles are chastising my mouth and my throat remains dry, and I thirst for answers. Give me the truth so I can quench this need to be fulfilled in my journey, my growth, my soul.

Give me peace, so I can stand here unmoved.

Copyright © 2009 Dzigbodi Djugba. All Rights Reserved.